Middle School Discrimination??

I have seen this happen first hand.

Right before my eyes.

My children are mixed race (aren't we all to a varying degree??).

My son made a friend at his new school the first week and that friend wrote his name on notebook paper. He wrote out my son's name in a graffiti style. Note this is ON PAPER and my son then placed it in his binder cover.

This happened the first week of school back in August 2009.

What date is it now? What year is it now?

Today was the last day of school.

Yesterday the above mentioned paper was confiscated from my son. He was told it would be up to the school to decide if he should be given a day of in-class suspension. (What? For something he didn't write?? Something he didn't write on paper??)

He had to miss his class field trip yesterday because of poor grades. He had to sit in a classroom with other kids that had to miss too. Many were also for poor grades but others were behavioral problems (fighting, other infractions). Those that know my kiddo...know that he doesn't fall into that group. He just didn't do what he was supposed to in class and didn't do his homework. (That my dear reader is for another post for another day!)

I wrote to this particular teacher and was advised yes it was taken from him and that it was catalogued in the event it shows up around school (i.e. on walls etc).

Really? As IF he would write his OWN name on walls at school.

Because he didn't do his homework...doesn't make him STUPID.

So, where is the kid that drew it? What kind of trouble would he be in?

I know we have free speech in this country...what happened to freedom of expression? ON PAPER NO LESS?

I am afraid my young man has been singled out for something he didn't do but something he had...and it was HIS NAME. No profanity... his name.

I am composing a letter to the principal, the assistant principal (who returned the picture to me), the school district. This is ridiculous.

This may not be racial profiling but I do feel this is some level of discrimination that I refuse to teach my son totolerate.

23.9 kilograms = 52.6904807 pounds

Well, Kai's cf appointment went good, then it went bad.....sort of.

Good news: Kai's lungs are clear and the remain clear! YAY! Praise God!
Good news: last visit in August Kai was in the 5Th percentile for weight...he is now....DRUM ROLL PLEASE....in the 95Th!! (I have been working my butt off to give him a butt!) All this on liquid nutritional supplements!

Bad news: Kai's pulmonary function test (pft) according to the Dr's is not good. It isn't where they want it to be. (Kai is unable to perform the test adequately or accurately so I personally think this may be incorrect.)

They want to start him on Pulmozyme. The pft is low enough to indicate there may be an obstruction so they want to use this special treatment to break up mucus in his lungs and have him cough it out.

Now that we have this huge gain in weight...they want to push regular food on him. Yep...you got it...Kai still doesn't eat regular foods like the rest of the family. So if we can get him to eat and use this weight cushion to get him to eat then we will be doing well all the way around. They think his not eating is behavioral. So they want him and me to see a behavioral specialist. Hmm...
So...it is no wonder I cannot pick this kid up anymore to put him in his own bed at night!!

Thank you God for continued health and for the advances in medicine today. I don't think Kai has the obstructive mucus in his lungs the Dr. thinks he does...but hey...I am just the mom right?

Righhhhhhht.

I am going to chat more with Dr's regarding this and see what the consensus is.

Thanks for reading and keep praying for Kai.

The walk is on May 2! Moonlight Beach.

Hugs!

Medical Humor...(or not) Irish Medical Dictionary

Why Irish? I don't know exactly but per a recently received email:
"The Irish have a low stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously. You are going to die anyway, so live life."

Artery.................. The study of paintings
Bacteria.................Back door to cafeteria
Barium...................What doctors do when patients die
Benign....................What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section......A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan..................Searching for Kitty
Cauterize................Made eye contact with her
Colic......................A sheep dog
Coma.....................A punctuation mark
Dilate....................To live long
Enema....................Not a friend
Fester....................Quicker than someone else
Fibula.....................A small lie
Impotent.................Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain..............Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff...........A Doctor's cane
Morbid....................A higher offer
Nitrates..................Cheaper than day rates
Node......................I knew it
Outpatient................A person who has fainted
Pelvis......................Cousin to Elvis
Post Operative...........A letter carrier
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery
Rectum....................Nearly killed him
Secretion.................Hiding something
Seizure...................Roman emperor
Tablet....................A small table
Terminal Illness.........Getting sick at the airport
Tumour...................One plus one more
Urine.....................Opposite of you're out
2 x Condoms.............To be sure, to be sure

There's a Gazelle on the Lawn

I love words.

I love word games.

I love word puzzles.

I love trivia related to words.

One of my favorite shows is A Way With Words.

Lets say you have a guest over for dinner and someone in your family has food on their face....a way to tell them is saying out loud "there is a gazelle on the lawn"...it draws attention away from the person with the food on their face and out to the lawn... or to you where your guest will think you just lost your marbles...obviously while searching for a gazelle.

The Blechs

This week started off really rough.

Blindsided by a judge that has a heart for incompetent and fake fathers. Either that or his BS detector was forgotten at home that day.

I have been feeling kind of gross since Monday. I am not looking forward to the shift in the new custody order. I call it an order because it's definitely not an agreement.

I am strong. I know I will overcome this period of blechness.

A friend told me recently to put my energy toward thinking positive. Positive thoughts...think of what I want...and not what I don't want. Something about the universe hearing what you are putting out there. It doesn't catch the word don't though. For instance, "I don't want my boys to have overnight visits during the week with their bio-dad" is just saying "I WANT my boys....etc..." See what I am saying?

Instead of focusing on what I "don't" want....I will put my thoughts and energy into...

I want my sons to be happy.
I want my sons to be well taken care of.

My sons will be happy.
My sons will be well taken care of.
My sons will know that their mommy loves them with all her heart even if I am not physically there.

God is so good. He has really brought this for a reason. This is an answered prayer. It is. I am sure. I have been praying for my sons bio-dad to really be a better dad. To desire to spend more time with his sons. To be a more active parent. To not be so angry and mean with our eldest when he doesn't get homework right....or is just being a pubertal butt-head.

Judge ordered parenting classes for the dad...and once the classes are complete, he can have the increased parenting time and the decrease in child support.

I continue to pray for him. That he has asked for this for the right reasons. I want to believe he desires more time with his sons and not just the financial break he was seeking. But that would be most unwise for be to believe considering his history.

God will provide. God loves. God answers prayers.

New Biz

I have loved the ambiance of candles for years.

These particular candles are so clean burning they do not smoke so NO SOOT...and they do not irritate K-mans lungs. He can't be around smoke or smokers...so this is a perfect match.

I am becoming a rep just to earn a little extra cash...and perhaps just provide myself with some candles to enjoy for myself since things have been so tight.

Its only a catalog party...so your presence is not required!

Jo Williams' personal website

Scientists Restore Some Function to Cells from Cystic Fibrosis Patients

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091206162959.htm

Great news for our lil cf-er Kai!

I am so happy that the organization I contract for has a research institute and has the funding to work on such things as cystic fibrosis. When you think about it...the total number of Americans alone with this disease couldn't even fill up our local stadium.

There are an estimated 30,000 people in the US with cystic fibrosis.

Qualcomm Stadium = Baseball capacity: 67544 Football capacity: 60794
Petco Park = Baseball capacity: 46000
Dodgers Stadium = Baseball capacity: 56000

They couldn't even fill Fenway with the number.
Fenway = Baseball capacity: 34218

So, our little K-man who is our precious boy with cystic fibrosis is part of a swell little club.

If you get around to it...we are walking again this year for Kai. First Sunday in May. Save the date! If you can walk with us that would be great! If not, could you sponsor me?

Check our my page:
http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/dsp_DonationPage.cfm?walkid=6359&idUser=158911

Lots of love!
Michellene

Thankful

Well, this year started off rough. Lost a dear aunt...well, I lost her the last 15 minutes of 2009...I am still a bit raw from that experience. Thankful I was able to spend time in Hawaii with her and her family for a few days. Loved that I could do some things for her before we said "See you Later."

I am writing this now because I have been on this tailspin into an abyss...of I guess without medications would probably be a major depressive episode...but isn't.

I have found out so many things about myself. I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for...and I am capable of love. Loving someone outside myself and outside my children.

Gods gifts indeed.

I have also found out so many areas that I am lacking which weigh heavily upon my heart. Especially when it hurts those around me. I haven't been very good at being a wife...in fact I think I have been pretty damned selfish. So focused on little things...or actually BIG things...like the bills and rent...that I forget to dole out the hugs and kisses that are needed to get us through the tougher spots in this life.

I haven't been a great mom. Sure I have done all K's treatments...taken him to all his appointments...made attempts at getting T's homework done...trying to give them both all the love and attention they so deserve. I miss the days when they would just snuggle in my bed and we would sleep in. I think we are over due for a sleep over.

I have let K keep a binky until he was 5...oh the horror of it all. Haven't forced him to eat real food because I have been so focused on making sure he has all the calories he possibly can have in one day just so he can keep growing. I have let T play video games and watch TV without making sure his homework is done and believing him when he says it is done...major major mistake. I have learned from that. I am thankful that he is growing... I am sad that his care consumes so much time than a healthy child...which takes away from T. I need some mommy and me time with him. He has been exhibiting symptoms of just missing and needing attention. So that I must and can fix.

I haven't been a great daughter...forgot to call my mom on her birthday despite the fact I told the kids ALL DAY that it was her birthday. I haven't called and seen them as much as I should. I really must spend more time with them...interacting. The kids need to see them...as do I.

I haven't been the best sister I can be. I haven't written or called and didn't attend a family get together....a birthday party for the twins because "I had to work." I put that in quotes...because it always seems to be where I am at or what I need to do when my kids need something or someone asks if I can be there for THEM.

At what point do I need to realize it isn't all about me but about giving back to others around me? The people that I love and cherish. Or "say" I do and don't show it.

I haven't been a good friend. I haven't been out to see Jen and Pete...I love them dearly and have yet to even send them a card or package to their new address. I still have a newborn outfit for Peter in a Christmas wrapping that should have been send 2 Christmas' ago and a glitter nail kit for Nadia...never sent. Then there is my beloveds Cs and B. They get the brunt of everything. They have both been my rock through my divorce. C has even taken my middle of the night phone calls from Hawaii just to talk me through a very horrible day despite having to get up for work at the butt crack of dawn. Sure, she has her phone not accept messages...which drives me insane...but she calls back when she sees that I have called. I do that for her too...I even pick up her calls when I am at work. I think she and my mom & dad are the only ones I do that for. Yet, my tone with all of them...has been short. I am stressed to the seams. Can't see the forest for the trees. I have been just trying to get through each day without crying...so instead I bite someones head off. Usually C's or B's. For that I am sorry. It's like I am stuck...in this place...where I want to embrace those around me...but want to just crawl under a rock and just shut everyone out. But because I know these people around me love me...I don't.

My mom has told me several times (you would think I would get the hint) that if I am busy...just say so...just a quick..."Hey I really want to talk to you...but I am so swamped can I call you later" will be nice instead of feeling like I am being put out by answering the phone.

I am sorry. I am so sorry for all of my inadequacies. So sorry I am falling short in so many places. I am asking God to help...um duh he already is...because my binky-free 5 year old just leaned over to tell me "Mommy, I love you. I love you so much." And here I thought he would hate me for the rest of his life for "donating" his beloved binky to another baby that needs it.

Bottom line is...I have been taking my stress out on everyone because despite the size of my body habitus...I simply cannot fit anymore in here. I am filled to the brim with this crap...and that made my emotional "tank" so small it is always on "E". I feel as if I am just giving giving giving...and I just can't give anymore. I am just drowning.

Drowning in fear...Fear of yet more failures...failure of going to jail for not paying taxes for an ex that's got his own issues. Yet here I find myself sucking at yet another job...accounting. That used to be the "ex's" job...and he sucked at it too I just didn't know it till just before I left...so I am holding the bag of doo-doo that is left behind. Back taxes...already had letters talking about taking money out of my accounts...I am always needing just a little more for gas in the gas tank...even needing to create a note book of IOU's to the kids for their allowance...I think I am three months behind now on that.

Then I have the ex that is suing for custody yet again...for the children...just so he can get out of paying support. All of these things he will use against me...T not doing so great in school...K's teeth needing attention yet he will let NO ONE near his mouth...if you do get close...he is likely to require you to need a change of clothes.

I feel horrible for it all. I am sorry for lashing out at those around me. I am thankful that C had the balls to tell me. That she loved me more than I will ever know, that she felt comfortable to text me that I am falling short. Which means if I am falling short with all these things I am falling short with God. He put C as my angel to do a virtual shaken baby routine with me via the phone. Yep. I think it worked...because I am just shaken up.

I know He will forgive me...I just need to ask. I just hope to have the forgiveness of all those around me. I am sucking at being a person right now...and I am the only one that can take the steps to change that.

I have been so bitter. So angry...I think because of my choices...which were mostly not bad. Just having a heck of time trying to make adjustments. Family and C have reassured me that leaving an abusive situation was smart...and that it is all an adjustment. I am still working through it...and with the grace of God...I will survive without any cerebral or retinal hemorrhaging from all the shaking.

So, I am thankful for my family that loves me unconditionally...my kids that love me just because I breathe (and that is mutual) and for C...that loved me enough to tell me. No she isn't mean.....she was just keeping it real...keeping it 100.

For the love of Michellene.

Blessed with Another Year! Kai is FIVE!

Five years ago, I delivered a gorgeous healthy baby boy. So I thought. A couple days after birth, realizing something wasn't right...he was rushed off to Children's Hospital in San Diego.

There, diagnoses were thrown at me...my head swimming...knowing what the outcome of every disease mentioned was...none of them good. One stuck out...and surely Kai could not have this disease...he isn't but a pinch Caucasian...as this particular disease predominantly impacts Caucasians....doesn't matter any more...not this day in age.

What? Cystic fibrosis? NO WAY. Not our little Korean-Native American-Mexican-Black-Irish baby. Shuh... Whatever!

Well, blood tests showed that he has cystic fibrosis.

I knew my life was going to change with the addition of a little baby...having already had one...adding another to an already strained marriage was surely going to be life changing. I had NO IDEA just how much.

Therapies, nebulizer treatments, medications with every meal, weekly visits with Miss Lisa at occupational therapy(for over 3 years now!), and hand sanitizer up the wazoo...well, it's all normal now. Normal for us. Normal for Kai. Normal for a family with a little guy with cf. I realize that every day is a blessing...each and every breath is a gift from God...each smile...each I love you...every tantrum...all gifts.

A little over a decade ago...children with cf were not even living long enough to get to grade school. Kai is in pre-K. He will start kindergarten in the fall. Praise the Lord!

Advances in medicine have raised the bar and along with it the median age for life expectancy...we are almost at 37 years old I believe. So, with continued advances in medicine and better therapies...Kai is gonna make it to be older than his old-lady mom is now.

I am so grateful for another year with this baby boy. I should say BIG boy. Kai has given up his beloved binkies to a baby named Lucas. Since Lucas is a baby and needs them more than Kai does. Also he started (just last night) drinking his high calorie formula from a straw instead of a bottle! This is HUGE. This was mostly out of necessity since his front teeth are causing him pain. Why? Not from decay said the dentist but because his BIG BOY teeth are already coming in early. Too early...but at least we know the teeth are loose because of that and not because his teeth are rotting out of his head.

Thank you God for another year of oral aversions...all the gagging and the refusal of solid foods...thank you for always providing the finances to afford to not-so-cheap high calorie formula...thank you for providing for his expensive Dr. visits and medicines...thank you for my delightful sometime pain the butt son Kai. Thank you for his continued health. Thank you for an extended family of loved ones that care so much about him and his well-being. He is a blessing. I love him so much and thank you for another year.

Please join me in wishing Kai a very happy birthday.

Happy Birthday BIG BOY Kai. You are such a wonderful gift from heaven and God is going to always be with us carrying us through the toughest times and holding our hands and hugging us through every good time.

I love you son.

Love,
Mommy

Eviction Notices

Once upon a time...a young woman(me) was fretting over something trivial. So trivial in fact, I can't recall the exact circumstances but I do recall sharing it with my Auntie Linda. She was being a very good listener. She gave me some advice I carry around with me to this very day. She told me, "Don't let anyone live rent free in your head." Hmmm. Sit back for a moment. Let it really sink in. What are those things you are carrying around with you and dwelling on that really don't make a difference either way except that they are taking up precious time and space in your head? Time and space that you can be using to reach out to a loved one and just say I love you...or making a card...paying a bill...reading a book...you name it...

If I am thinking about someone or something...and it's not paying rent... it's getting evicted.

So eviction notices are going out tonight on several things. I am tired of all these people and things just squatting in my head. Pay up or shut up. So there! lol Pfffft!